The morning after the rant before...

So last night I had a melt down.

Nothing completely new, I have gotten to this point before on many occasions, but this is the first since I've been back on medication. I need another purge so I'm going to go back a bit and try and put down in writing some of the things that have been going on in my head in the last 6 months and go from there.

I think that the worst emotional symptom of my mental health problems is the paranoia. I recently admitted this to my mother and she actually said something along the lines of Hallelujah, you can finally see it! I asked her why she hadn't tried to point it out to me, and her reply? You were so paranoid, would it have helped to know your mother thought there was something wrong with you or just to know that I was here for you. Touche mother, touche!

Paranoia is insidious. It creeps into every relationship. You suspect your boss thinks you're not doing enough, your friends don't really like you, you're only being invited to things because people feel sorry for you and there is no way you are good enough for anyone who you might desire a relationship with.

Boys. Men. Relationships or the lack of.

This blog post is somewhat of a purge for me. I needed to get it out.

 

I have a crap track record with men.

I say men, but my track record with women is equally as bad, sadly I have not even gotten close to a relationship (or otherwise) with a woman for more years than I would like to admit. When I finally meet one that is as interested in me as I am in her, then maybe we’ll have a story to tell.

Back to men. So I’ve gotten to the point that I’ve had so much ‘bad luck’ with men that I’m coming to the realisation that it may not be luck anymore… it may be me.