Broke Ass September – Week Two

I’m noticing an irritating habit over the past two weeks, the constant litany of ‘I want…’, ‘I need…’ in my internal monologue. I notice it most when I walk by myself.

I enjoy walking down Cuba Street here in Wellington and looking at all the brightly coloured shop displays. Having worked in the fashion industry for years, colour and light and sound are my life blood and Cuba Street has always been one of my favourite people watching places of all time.

Now walking this route to work every weekday has become slightly tortuous. No hot chocolate from Cosmic, no juice from FIX, no stopping at a café for a sandwich (and custard square). No planning what to wear an outfit in the window of S’wonderful or Max, or even Paper Bag Princess.

As a consumer, I am easily influenced. I. Am. Terrible. I see an advert and I’m instantly looking it up or craving and Oreo or the latest Ford Mondeo. I am trying to change my thinking so that it’s more ‘I like that colour’, ‘Wow, great lines’ or that sort of thing instead of a straight out desire to buy.

I have a wedding to go to in a couple of weeks and desperately want a new dress for the event and I just can’t fit it into my budget before then. Thinking hard on the subject I realised that I had heaps of different pieces of fabric and some new patterns I had picked up at Spotlight not long ago. So this week I will be putting my skills and existing bits and pieces together and starting something to wear!

And this week I’ll put more effort into reducing my impulse spending!!

Week 2, Day 1:

I considered having breakfast, but didn’t have the motivation for it! Took a #coffeeselfie for @Megapope’s birthday – except mine was tea of course.

Managed to forget to eat lunch as well! Luckily my flatmate baked a delicious chocolate pie and I had some of that earlier and a peanut slab that a co-worker gave me for doing her a favour.

Decided I’m going straight home after work instead of to birthday drinks at Golding’s so I can eat a proper dinner there and not spend the little money I have left on beer. I’m planning on spending it on a beer at knitting tomorrow as I feel like I haven’t been out and socialised for a while.

Total Spend: $0

Week 2, Day 2:

Refreshed the cereal at work, so actually had breakfast. Lasagne for lunch and some more of the chocolate pie for afternoon tea.

Headed off to knitting at Bin44 after work as I had budgeted enough to buy a beer ($10) and say hi to everyone. Thoroughly enjoyed the pint of Parrot Dog Dead Canary and ate half of my friend Ruben’s hot chips (oops).

Total Spend: $10

Week 2, Day 3: 

PAYDAY! And bonus, we got out yearly increases which isn’t a lot but was back pay from 1^st July. That was (ever so slightly) helpful!

I’m going out to dinner tonight with a friend, we’re going to The Ramen Shop in Newtown. If you haven’t been you need to. The food is amazing and really reasonably priced. It gets crowded, but they do take-away as well. Don’t forget to try their pork buns, like no pork bun you have ever tried… trust me, you’ll thank me later. Soy and Shogyu broth with pickled shitake mushrooms and extra 24hour cooked pork belly = $15, Mikes Ompa (One More Pale Ale) at Bebemos before diner = $10.50.

I’ve also ordered some bits for my fish tank set-up from Pet, I went slightly over my budgeted $25 a fortnight for this as the piece I wanted was $24.75 and shipping was $4.90 or free if I spent $39+. As I got my back pay this week I bought a couple of extra things that I needed and will take the extra out of next fortnight’s budget. Spent a total of $41.18 on 4 items of which $25 was budgeted = $16.18 extra.

On a good note, I managed to stop myself from buying one of the Chocolate Afghan biscuits that a colleague’s daughter sells here at work and those cookies are A-MAZ-ING!! Proud of myself.

Going home from Ramen tonight to bake cupcakes for tomorrow, pretty sure I’ll have to taste test at least one of them.

Total Spend: $41.68

Week 2, Day 4:

SPCA Cupcake day at work today and I spent a while baking last night and made and absolute disaster zone out of my kitchen. I made The Ultimate Chocolate Cupcake and by golly, were they ever! I added a homemade boysenberry jam filling and attempted to pipe my icing (but because I made it too chocolatey it was too firm and the original icing looked a little like… well poop.)

I ended up using the old fashioned knife and hot water to smear icing on the cakes, piling it up roughly and covering it in sprinkles. They were the best chocolate cupcakes I’ve ever tasted, let alone made even if they looked a little rough! I bought a couple of cupcakes to support the cause = $8.

Today is also our bi-monthly Admin Team get together, which I arranged this time so I have to go. At least we’re having it at The Pub so it is both close to work and inexpensive – they have a $10 lunch menu so between a Thai Beef Salad and a raspberry lemonade I spent $13.50

Feeling like my spending is getting a little advanced so will try to be good over the weekend… pretty sure my daily average is going to creep up quite a bit on last week! I’m setting myself an extras budget of $25 maximum for the weekend (including Friday) and hoping I can stick to it.

Total Spend: $21.50

Week 2, Day 5: 

Today I have eaten chocolate pie and drunk tea. I’m still coughing, like I have been for the last 5 and a half weeks, so I’m going to the doctor this afternoon. While this is an unexpected expense of $61 plus $5 for the prescription, because it is health related I won’t be including it in the spend for today. 

I am really looking forward to my fortnightly massage today, this is at work and $20 for 20 minutes. Massage is about the only thing that helps the muscle spasms that cause my migraines so this is an essential health expense for me as well.

Let’s see if I can get through the rest of today spend free!

Total Spend: $0

Week 2, Day 6:

Well, the doctor decided I probably have Whooping Cough and prescribed me anti-biotics, with a follow up of prednisone if they don’t help so fingers crossed for me please!

Friday went well, but on Saturday although I managed to stop myself buying more things for my fish tank at the Animates sale, we did decide to have an All Blacks get together at a friends and as she and I were hosting we went to the supermarket and put together a snacks platter and all the ingredients for dinner.

I made chicken burgers, free-range chicken thighs marinated in thyme and olive oil, homemade red onion jam, chipotle mayo, cherry tomatoes, lettuce, brie and grilled pineapple, with homemade onion rings. It was delicious, not cheap, but delicious = $28.38 for food + $36 for beer (Spring & Fern Pilsner and IPA for my friend and a few cans of Beer by Garage Project of which I still have some left for drinking through the week instead of buying more) + $10 towards my friends taxi home seeing as she came to us.

Total Spend: $74.38 (ouch!)

Week 2, Day 7: 

Quiet day, originally we were going to head to the Zoo, however the weather was miserable and the friend I was hanging out with wasn’t feeling well so I took her dogs for a walk on the beach (first time walking them by myself and one of them got into a dog fight on the beach off-lead #sigh. Only slightly injured). 

Made lunch from leftovers from dinner last night – a chicken and onion soup with brie on toasted bread – delicious!

Total Spend: $0

Week 2 Total spend: $147.56 – an average of $21.08 per day!

That's what friends are for...

It’s ten past 8 on a Saturday evening and I am sitting in bed at home, alone. I have a glass of port beside me and my laptop on my lap, my smartphone within reach and am relatively content.

Except if I am completely honest, the one word in that paragraph that causes me the most discontent is ‘alone’.

In some ways I am extremely introverted: I don’t like crowds or people constantly hovering, I read everything I can get my hands on – whether it is good or not, I don’t like talking on the phone to strangers or being chatted up in bars, I’m a home body – spending more time here at home than out and about… usually.

You see I also have extroverted tendencies: a tendency to call attention to myself, I’m loud, enjoy being the centre of attention on the occasions I chose to put myself there and can talk the ear off a donkey.

I am social awkward, but have an overwhelming need to be liked. I’m independent to a fault and don’t ask for help unless I absolutely need it in my personal life, yet will drop everything to help an acquaintance I barely know if they ask.

I like to stand out and don’t like to follow the pack when it comes to fashion, often feeling really confident and like I look great when I get dressed in the morning, but depending on the reactions I get during they day I can easily become anxious and certain that everyone is laughing at me or judging me as the day passes. I have even gone shopping on a break, immediately changing into something more sedate just because of an off the cuff comment from someone that I have perceived as negative.

I don’t have a lot of close friends, and one thing I have discovered as I have got older, is that the level of friendship I may prescribe to the relationship I have with someone, is not necessarily reciprocated. I have many acquaintances, people who may say hi to me in the street, but wouldn’t invite to me a party they were throwing. People I would invite to my birthday, but who wouldn’t even think to invite me to after work drinks.  This isn’t a judgment on them, this is just me learning about social interaction.

Since I moved to Wellington two years ago I made what I would consider three close, reciprocal friendships with women. In June of this year, two of those friends moved to opposite ends of Canada within a week of each other.  The third is currently in Canada visiting friends and family. It wasn’t until she went on her trip that the loss of the first two hit me like a ton of bricks.

Between the three of them I at least had someone to talk to when I was feeling happy/sad/crushing on someone/having trouble at work. Yes I can email them, yes I can even call them… and I am going to Vancouver in 3 weeks and will be staying with one, but it’s not the same.

I can’t have a mid-week picnic in the botanic gardens the day before pay day with the coins from our piggy banks buying us a bottle of wine and raiding the cupboards supplying us with a feast. No more being dragged on tramps and hikes and bush walks, usually when I’m stupidly hungover with my super-fit friend who always manages to push me harder than I think I can go. I still have brunch dates and karaoke here and a shoulder if I need it, and I’ll forever be grateful for that.

I get attached to people easily, both in friendships and relationships. I know this, I recognise this, but it doesn’t make it any easier to stop it from happening. It is something I struggle with and something I am trying to work on, but I don’t really know how too when it comes down to me interpreting others intentions towards me.

I wish I could get the phrase “She (or He) is just not that into you” out of my head, but unfortunately it seems to ring true, both in friendships and in anything more. I try not to expect too much from other people, just respect and honesty, but sometimes I guess that is too hard.

Or it isn’t about the other person at all and I am just expecting too much… I just don’t know.

And tonight, that is making me sad.